The Asshole Character Class
Well - the folks over at Troll Lord Games tossed out a challange, and @SplashDamage1 goaded me into it…..so, I present to you…..
The Asshole
Professional Instigator
“I’m not wrong — you’re just fragile.”
The Asshole is a social warfare class that weaponizes irritation, doubt, manipulation, and argument. Where rogues strike from shadows and bards inspire, the Asshole destabilizes. Their power lies not in swords or spells, but in breaking confidence, causing mistakes, and forcing enemies to unravel.
Scourge of Civility, Breaker of Parties, Unstoppable Force of “Actually…”
In taverns they are avoided.
In courts they are tolerated.
In adventuring parties they are endured.
The Asshole is not merely rude — they are strategically insufferable. Where warriors break bodies and wizards bend reality, the Asshole breaks confidence, cohesion, and decision-making.
Kings have lost wars to them.
Dragons have abandoned lairs.
Entire parties have disbanded.
And they never, ever admit fault.
PRIME ATTRIBUTE
Charisma
HIT DIE
d8
ALIGNMENT
Any (most are chaotic or neutral)
WEAPONS
Club, dagger, dart, hand axe, light hammer, knife, mace, sap, sling, short sword, whip, improvised weapons
ARMOR
Leather armor, leather coat, padded armor, buckler or small shield
The Asshole may wear heavier armor, but suffers penalties to all class abilities equal to –1 per point of AC above 12, following the same restriction model used by Rogues
CLASS ABILITIES
All abilities use the SIEGE Engine (attribute checks vs Challenge Class 12 if Charisma is prime, 18 if not)
Friction Pool (Cha)
The Asshole generates Friction, representing tension, irritation, and destabilization.
Maximum Friction = Level + Charisma modifier
Friction is gained whenever:
The Asshole successfully insults, contradicts, or undermines someone
A creature fails a save or check against an Asshole ability
The Asshole is targeted by a social or mental effect
Friction refreshes after a short rest.
Well, Actually… (Charisma)
The Asshole interrupts logic, plans, or actions.
Once per round, when a creature within 30 ft declares an action, the Asshole may spend 1 Friction to force a Charisma check.
Failure causes that creature to suffer –2 to all rolls for that action.
Gaslight (Charisma)
The Asshole rewrites reality.
Spend 2 Friction and target one creature who failed a check against you this round.
The target must succeed on a Wisdom check or:
Lose its reaction
Be unable to tell friend from foe until its next turn
Pedantic Defense (Charisma)
When targeted by a spell, ability, or special attack:
Spend 1 Friction to force the attacker to reroll and take the worse result.
"That’s not how that works."
I’m Just Asking Questions (Charisma)
Spend 2 Friction to force a target to justify itself.
Target must make a Charisma save or lose either its movement or its action next round.
Sealioning (Wisdom)
The Asshole exhausts enemies with bad-faith questions.
Spend 2 Friction.
Target makes a Wisdom save or suffers –2 to all rolls for 1 turn.
DARVO (Charisma)
(Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender)
When accused or targeted, spend 3 Friction.
The accuser must make a Charisma save or become stunned for 1 round.
Toxic Aura
At 4th level, the Asshole radiates disruption.
All creatures within 10 feet:
Cannot receive Help bonuses
Suffer –1 to morale, loyalty, and reaction checks
Meltdown (Charisma)
Once per day.
The Asshole explodes emotionally.
All creatures within 30 ft must make a Charisma save or:
Be confused, frightened, or compelled to apologize (CK choice)
LEVEL PROGRESSION
Roleplay Notes
An Asshole:
Never apologizes
Always reframes
Can ruin any scene
Is secretly essential for drama
What an Asshole Really Is
In Castles & Crusades terms, the Asshole is:
A social saboteur
A morale killer
A rules lawyer turned into a weapon
A verbal hexblade
They don’t fight fair.
They fight petty.
They live for:
Being right
Being louder
Being the last one talking
Being technically correct
Even when everyone else is dead.
How They Look in the World
Assholes rarely look the same, but they always feel the same.
Some wear:
Fancy coats and smug smiles
Scratched armor covered in passive-aggressive sigils
Robes with too many pockets for pamphlets, notes, and “evidence”
Others carry:
Notebooks of grudges
Rulebooks
Letters they were never asked to write
Documents “proving” they’re right
Their eyes constantly flicker, searching for:
Weakness
Contradictions
Someone to interrupt
What They Do in a Party
An Asshole:
Questions plans
Undermines leadership
Forces second-guessing
Splits attention
Makes enemies waste turns
They make good plans collapse
They make bad plans inevitable
But somehow… the party always survives.
Barely.
Why Anyone Travels with One
Because they are:
Brilliant manipulators
Immune to intimidation
Impossible to socially defeat
Weirdly hard to kill
An Asshole:
Knows when a villain is bluffing
Smells betrayal before it happens
Can talk their way past almost any gate
Can ruin any villain’s monologue
They are the party’s social tank.
They soak hostility so everyone else doesn’t have to.
What Taverns Say About Them
“He started a fistfight with a priest, won, and somehow the priest apologized.”
“The dragon let us go just to make him shut up.”
“I hated him… but gods help me, he saved us.”
What Makes an Asshole Level Up
Assholes gain experience when:
A plan falls apart because of them
An enemy loses their composure
A social encounter turns into chaos
A powerful NPC storms off
A party argument lasts longer than a combat
They thrive on:
Tension
Drama
Discomfort
Argument
Silence is their enemy.
The Dirty Truth
Every great hero needs:
A sword
A spell
A shield
And one absolute bastard who ruins the enemy’s will to fight.
That’s the Asshole.
