WotC: The RPG
The Game of Corporate Control, Creative Cannibalism, and IP Paladinry™
TAGLINES
“Roll for Monopoly.”
“Your creativity is our property.”
“This time, the dragon owns you.”
THE PREMISE
You are a middle-manager, brand sycophant, or scapegoat game designer trapped within the sprawling corporate towers of WotC (Wizards of the Conglomerate™), where creativity must be profitable, all dice must be approved, and open licenses are considered dangerous spells.
Your quest?
Survive quarterly review, appease the Shareholder Dragon, and maybe—just maybe—publish an RPG that doesn't immediately get recalled.
CHARACTER CREATION
Choose Your Class:
Class Description
Brand Paladin Enforces lore consistency across 800+ contradictory rulebooks. Gains advantage on Cease & Desist rolls
Marketing Wizard Casts illusions to hide failing mechanics. Once per day can summon a community backlash.
IP Cleric Worships the gods of copyright. Can excommunicate third-party content.
Content Blacksmith Builds new rules, often under duress. Must make a Constitution save each time they publish a UA draft.
Rules Lawyer Can summon a 400-page PDF to win any argument. Weak to “Fun.”
Executive Sorcerer Speaks in press releases. Can polymorph into a game developer for 1d4 minutes.
Select Background:
Freelancer (Disillusioned)
TTRPG Influencer (Under NDA)
Ex-TSR Ghost
Legacy System Archivist
Hasbro Intern (Lvl 1)
Assign Stats (using the OGL system... wait, not anymore!)
Use 5d6 drop lowest, unless monetized, then use 2d4.
Stats include:
Obfuscation
Crunchiness
Brand Synergy
Community Trust
Legal Armor
Balance
GAMEPLAY LOOP
Draw Your Directive – Randomly determine what impossible corporate goal you must now pretend was your idea.
Manage a Crisis – A fire breaks out in social media. Roll Obfuscation to put it out or double down.
Design a Product – Use tables to create half-baked subclasses and 800 loot boxes with 3 unique items between them.
Feed the Shareholder Dragon – If the dragon’s Quarterly Satisfaction Meter dips below 10, your soul is converted into an NFT.
Escape Blame – Choose another department to sacrifice to the community.
ROLL TO SAVE FACE™ — The Dice System of WotC: The RPG™
Core Dice Mechanic
Whenever you attempt anything remotely creative, controversial, or community-facing, you roll 1d20 and apply your modifiers.
Roll results determine Public Response, Shareholder Reaction, and Whether You Still Have a Job.
RollOutcome
20+ Miracle PR Save – The internet loves you. A meme campaign emerges in your defense. Gain +1 Trust.15–
19 Success – You publish something... tolerable. Meetings are rescheduled.
10–14 Mixed Success – You survive, but something is leaked. Reddit is stirred.
5–9 Disaster Mitigated – You manage a spin, but your team gets blamed.
1–4 Catastrophic Failure – You go viral for the wrong reason. Lose 1d6 community trust.
1 (natural)Critical Blunder – Your homebrew subclass is now a non-fungible race. Legal is activated.
MODIFIERS — THE SIX STATS OF CORPORATE SURVIVAL™
Each stat ranges from –3 to +5, based on class/background and gear. These stats determine your ability to influence key outcomes like "appeasing the Algorithm" or "gaslighting your community politely."
Obfuscation (OBF)
Your ability to use jargon, shift blame, and say absolutely nothing in 500 words.
Examples:
+2: “We’re sunsetting that feature in Q3 for strategic alignment.”
–2: “Yeah, I messed up.”
Applies to:
Avoiding accountability
Navigating press releases
Escaping interviews
Crunchiness (CRN)
How well your mechanics are bloated enough to require 400-page supplements.
Examples:
+4: “Let’s make 11 new subtypes of Initiative.”
–2: “Players just roll a d6.”
Applies to:
Rule writing
Game design
Killing simplicity with mechanics
Brand Synergy (BSY)
Your skill at integrating every idea into a pre-existing IP, preferably one already monetized.
Examples:
+3: “It’s not a new setting—it’s Forgotten Realms, but with NFTs.”
–3: “Let’s invent something original.”
Applies to:
Shareholder appeasement
Product pitches
Naming anything
Community Trust (CTR)
Your credibility with actual players, creators, and streamers.
Examples:
+5: “We’re keeping the OGL open and free.”
–5: “We were just exploring options.”
Applies to:
Livestream Q&As
Patch notes
Attempting to fix anything
Balance (BLN)
How well your mechanics are “balanced,” meaning “not too fun, but not lawsuit-inducing.”
Examples:
+2: “Each subclass is exactly equally boring.”
–3: “We let the bard one-shot Vecna.”
Applies to:
Subclass design
Monster building
PvP damage control
Legal Armor (LGA)
How well you're protected from lawsuits, backlash, or class-action spells.
Examples:
+3: “All content is derivative of WotC IP, per clause 9b.”
–4: “We forgot to renew the license.”
Applies to:
Navigating licensing
Suing or being sued
Casting Force NDA
Modifier Example
Player: Brand Paladin
Action: “I’d like to suppress the leak of our new setting by hosting a live Q&A full of evasive language and recycled artwork.”
Roll: 1d20 = 9
Obfuscation Modifier: +3
Legal Armor Modifier: +2 (Due to having Corporate Counsel Familiar)
Total: 14
Result: Mixed Success – The livestream works, but someone notices the artwork is from 2004. You trend for 24 hours.
Special Circumstance Bonuses
Circumstance Bonus
You used AI-generated art +2 to Obfuscation, –4 to Community Trust
You used the word "synergy" in three consecutive meetings +1 Brand SynergyYou blamed “the intern” publicly–2 Community Trust, +2 Legal Armor
You licensed something to D&D Beyond +3 Brand Synergy, –1 Balance
Your team hasn’t unionized... yet +2 Legal Armor
You took feedback from Reddit +2 Community Trust, –1 Legal Armor
You included a playable owlbear +1 Community Trust, –3 Legal Armor (didn’t ask)
You leaked your own product to save face +1 to all stats, but only once per campaign
Optional Rule: Synergy Spiral
If Brand Synergy > 5, you enter a state of Corporate Overdrive:
All new products must be remakes.
You are immune to backlash, but only for 1d4 turns.
You must end every sentence with “...and available now on D&D Beyond.”
THE SHAREHOLDER DRAGON
A CR 30 beast that lurks beneath HQ. Every time a player says “artistic integrity,” it grows in power.
Abilities:
Consume Creativity – All original ideas are devoured and rebranded.
Press Release Breath Weapon – Causes confusion in a 90-foot cone.
Quarterly Claw Swipe – Reduces team size by 25%.
MAGIC ITEMS (SATIRE TABLE)
Item Effect
AI-Powered Lore Generator Creates 300 NPCs with no souls.
Loot Crate of Holding Contains 17 identical figurines and one legal summons.
Open Game License (OGL) 1.0a Ancient scroll that must never be read.
Content Backfire Torch Illuminates all bad decisions you made 3 years ago.
Slide Deck of Infinite Pitches +10 to Shareholder Persuasion; -3 to Fan Trust.
SAMPLE ADVENTURE:
“OGLageddon: The Quest for Community Control”
The party is tasked with rewriting the Open Game License in secret while a rogue designer leaks drafts and Reddit summons an angry mob.
Objectives:
Distract the community with unearthed Beholder plushies
Leak the new rules in a "playtest"
Blame a different department
Escape before your badge is deactivated
RANDOM QUOTES TABLE (Roll 1d10)
“We’ve heard your feedback... and ignored it.”
“We believe in open gaming—as long as it's closed.”
“This isn’t a money grab, it’s a content monetization arc.”
“Our AI understands the soul of storytelling.”
“Did you read the EULA? You are the product.”
“That's not canon anymore. It never was. Please forget.”
“We’re excited to synergize your disappointment.”
“We have plans to release an announcement of a roadmap for a survey of a product.”
“We're proud to retire another beloved setting.”
“Don't worry—it’s still D&D. Just... streamed.”
FINAL THOUGHT
WotC: The RPG is meant for 3–6 burned-out creatives who love RPGs, hate corporate nonsense, and aren't afraid to laugh while rolling for survival in a world where marketing trumps magic.